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Government Fucking Nonsense

Wrong About Everything

Dr Elias 'Swanny' Crowe has spent thirty-one years keeping the Treasury afloat and hating every second of it. Then, at 3 a.m., he stumbles on a podcast that changes everything. The British public are thicker than pigshit about where their taxes go.

Thirty days. One operation. Zero honesty. What follows is one savage month in the life of a dying Labour government that decides to weaponise the public's ignorance instead of fixing it.

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Government Fucking Nonsense book cover
30
Days Until the Vote
0.7%
Actual Benefit Fraud Rate
24%
What the Public Think
3
Vote Margin of Survival
The Premise

"We don't fix the books, Reggie. We fix the fucking story."

— From the Prologue

Inside the Book

Prologue + 30 Chapters + Epilogue

Thirty days of political warfare, public deception, and institutional rot — told chapter by chapter as the clock runs down to a vote that will decide everything.

PRO
"The Shed at 3 a.m."
A podcast. A pencil knife. A very bad idea.
01
"The Pitch"
6 a.m. in the Cabinet Room. The numbers are devastating.
02
"Launch"
Press conference. Letter opener. Real cuts hidden in the filing cabinet.
03
"First Bloodbath"
The Guardian exposes the truth. The polls go up.
04
"Council Collapse"
A plumber with a printout ambushes the PM on live TV.
05
"Tearoom Treachery"
The Health Secretary meets the enemy for tea.
06
"Media Honeymoon"
Saturday. The Sun. Strategic cultivation.
07
"Week 1 Climax"
Midnight call. The whistleblower has the real numbers.
08
"Dawn Raids Begin"
Cameras. Crying mothers. Forty-seven pounds.
09
"Donor Scandal"
A phone call that shouldn't have happened.
10
"Cabinet Cage Match"
You're not warning us. You're auditioning.
11
"Poll Reversal"
Plus seventeen. Minus twenty-three. The scissors open.
12
"Tearoom Betrayal"
She offered survival. He said no.
13
"God-Daughter Warning"
The shed. The oak coffin. The truth.
14
"Leak Day"
The truth immunises the government.
15
"Mid-Month Crisis"
Doris. Sixteen degrees. Eight hundred million.
EPI
"The Morning After"
A new podcast. A new set of wrong numbers.
What Makes This Different

Political satire with receipts.

A savage fictional comedy built on real government data. Every statistic in this book comes from actual surveys — and the truth is worse than anything the characters invent.

🏛️

Thick of It Meets 24

Rapid-fire COBRA bloodbaths with a ticking clock.

📊

Built on Real Data

Every statistic comes from actual government surveys.

🗡️

Zero Redemption

No heroes. No lessons learned. Just the hollow laugh.

📱

Reform UK Subplot

The populist party that makes everything worse by being right.

☕

British to the Bone

Proper swearing, proper slang, proper political filth.

📰

The Receipts

Endnotes proving the real numbers are worse than the fiction.

About the Author

Ian Trimble

Ian Trimble writes fiction and nonfiction about the places where technology, politics, and human stupidity collide. His previous books include the Max Mercer Mystery Series (The Halcyon Key, The Obsidian Protocol, The Lazarus Directive).

Political Satire British Fiction Dark Comedy Self-Published
Get the Book

Thirty days. One dying government. Zero honesty.

Thirty days. One dying government. One jaded Treasury lifer. And a thirteen-year-old survey that proves the British public are spectacularly wrong about where their taxes go.

Kindle Edition — $4.99 Paperback — $14.99

Available on Amazon Kindle and in paperback.